I don’t think I’m a very good Christian. I think one of the best things I ever did was make blogs, because at least that’s some form of sharing. But other than that, I haven’t shared much. I don’t tell people how much Jesus means to me. Well, maybe I do. But only to those who already know.
I think that us Christians have gotten a lot of things wrong. I think the church has become more of religious club than a starting point for outreach. I think we focus too much on bringing people in for them to be a part of us. They don’t come, though. That’s our fault. 'Cause we don’t go to them. We wait for them to come. That never happens. Not much.
It’s been forever since I’ve been on a mission trip to help people who are NOT Christians—and I mean simply help them, not helping them with an agenda to try and save them. The majority of trips I’ve been on have been to other churches, because churches are safe. You don’t have to be afraid at another church. But outside the church, I have little experience. I think that’s sad. I think it's sad because it’s not just my story. It’s the story for a lot of Christians—especially those I know.
I think there’s too much of an “us/them” mentality. We’re all human. We all sin. Somehow, I—a Christian—forget that fact. I sin. I mess up. I don’t have things together. There’s so much of a focus on saving them from their rotten souls. My soul is just as rotten, if not more. I think my soul is most definitely more rotten, because I think I’m special because I go to church and I try to be holy. What makes me any better than a guy in deep need, cold and alone on a street corner? Perhaps he understands more than me.
We speak of “them” as if they’re “out there.” We use the word “heathens,” sometimes, even jokingly. I think there are more heathens inside the church. We’ve forgotten what it means to be human. We think we don’t need forgiveness anymore, having been forgiven “once-and-for-all” before. Oh, God, we need it the most!
I’d like to apologize. I’m sorry for misrepresenting Jesus. I am not Jesus. I am a follower, but I don’t have everything right. I don’t understand it all. I can’t tell you why there’s pain in the world or if suffering is good or bad or why bad things happen to good people.
I’m sorry for being so bitter sometimes. I get angry at people who cut down trees and people who make church into a matter of politics. I choose sides. That only makes the schism between souls even worse. To go against an extreme as hard as possible is only to make another extreme. It’s only to get angry at the opposite. There is no unity in choosing sides. There is no hope for reconciliation in thinking “us-and-them”. I think “us-and-them” a lot. More than I’d like to admit.
I fail. I get scared. I fear. I hold things against people. I harbor grudges inside, and deny that I’m doing it. I’m not perfect. I’m not always good. I think impure thoughts. Too much. I sin—in the dark—when no one is looking.
If anyone needs forgiveness, it’s me. I need forgiveness so much. But I don’t think I know how to get it. Who does? Do we really know what forgiveness is? We—the “Christians”—say we do. But do we really? Have we really experienced forgiveness? Have we really experienced Jesus? I wonder sometimes.
There’s a deep pain inside me from all this guilt and all this horrible dread of messing up and doing it wrong and not getting it right and I just cling to the condemnation and bury it deeper still. God says to let go. I’m too prideful to admit I need to confess, though—and not just to God, but to everyone. I need to confess to those who need to confess. I don’t need to confess to perfect people. Perfect people don’t need forgiveness—they’ve forgotten they need it, at least. That’s why they’re perfect—they think they are. They’re not, though. I’m not perfect—even if I think otherwise.
What is forgiveness, truly? Who knows? And why is it so hard to go after something so necessary…so needed…so liberating? I’m asking.
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3 comments:
D man, thank you for sharing what many are thinking. I have been asking some of the same questions lately. The "if you build it they will come mentality" is not working any more. Large churches are getting bigger through members moving while small churches are dying. I heard the statistic that last year in the SBC 10,000 churches reported 0 salvations, 0 baptisms! God ordained the church not as a club but as Christ's body on earth in motion, a sanctuary for us to recharge our battereies, a place of support, a place of confession and prayer. I think our definition of church has been perverted from the body of Christ, you, me, Hair, Joe, other belivers, to the facilities and resources. Confession is absent, the "I will pray for you" is more of a greeting in passing, all because we are busy trying to look good, smell good, and feel good. My struggle is I see so many brothers and sisters, myself included, who know Christ as Lord and saviour but never claim the victory. I am frustrated that we are always looking to make ourselves Holy, or better, or whatever with the attitude that, "once I have myself straightend out I will help others." What a perverted way of thought! 2 Corinthians says that we are new creatures in Christ, the old has gone, the new has come and Gallatians says that I am crucified with Christ I no longer live. If I no longer live then who does? Jesus. The truth is that we haven't, for the most part allowed ourselved to be forgiven, we allow ourselves to believ the lies that we are unholy, unrighteous, unworthy. The truth is apart from Christ none of us are worthy but that is the beauty of His love! If we have Christ then we are holy, we are righteous, we are forgiven forever because of what Jesus did on the cross and no other reason. We still struggle with our flesh but God sees us as His own. So what do we do? Are we going to continue to struggle with our past? Our past sins? Our current sins? Are we going to continue to be paralyzed by the thought that we have to fix ourselves before we can help others? Or even worse are we going to be paralyzed by the thought that we can't help others because we think we are so messed up? No, it is time for the church, and I mean the body of Christ, to start acting like who we are instead of who we were. I confess that I struggle with this over and over, very easy to say, hard to do but that is exactly why Jesus went to the cross for us....He knew we were incapable.
How do we help? The gospel has to be shared but we can't just give someone a track who is starving then say have a nice day. We will be most effective when we meet people where they are hurting, with a genuine love for them as oppossed to seeing them as a number, minister to their needs and love them through our actions. Thank you brother for opening your heart.
You have both posed some very deep and possibly troublesome (in a sense) questions. You're are both so right about Christians so often thinking that we're perfect and we forget about our sins in "attempts" to "save" others. Ultimately, it isn't even our job to get people saved. We are only here to witness and spread God's word, the rest is done between God and that person in their own heart!
More on us Christians though is that, as Daniel put it, we need to look at ourselves and clean up our lives too instead of going out and trying to fix everyone else. It is not good when we go out and "preach" one thing but lead a different lifestyle than what we say. So many unsaved people turn away from christianity merely because they don't like the fact that as christians many people think they're better than everyone else but in turn live the same lifestyle as those they are criticizing. That needs to stop. We need to get our spiritual lives straightened out so that God can use us like He wants to do. Granted, He often uses our imperfections to teach others and ourselves lessons, but that is not an excuse for living a sinful life. A quote I really like is "We don't help people by showing them our trophies. We help them by showing them our scars. " I truly believe this. God works through our sins for His good. He knew we'd never be perfect, and that's because we're not Him. That's where forgiveness comes into play.
Now, knowing whether we've truly accepted and or been granted forgiveness is a thing of faith. If we earnestly see God's forgiveness it will be granted to us. However, we must be willing to give up that sin to him. I don't believe that this means we'll never struggle with that sin again, however, because Satan uses our weaknesses to cause us to stumble in our spiritual walks. However, its solely acknowledging that we have sinned and in the process hurt God. We are truly sorry and then seek repentence. Knowing whether or not we have done this sincerely is based upon the faith that one has. Again, that sin may still pose a problem or a threat in your life but that doesn't mean we haven't been forgiven. Ask and it will be given unto you. We must believe. We must believe in our almighty Lord and Savior who shed his blood for us. Who promised us his love, mercy, and grace, especially when we have strayed from Him.
Everyone strays at some point and so if forgiveness weren't a truth then there would be no reason to believe in God. If that were the case, we'd be believing in something just so we could have our beliefs crushed and disproved. But God is forgiving and merciful and to truly believe that within oneself, one's heart and mind, that is where faith becomes evident in one's life. It is something we must constantly remind ourselves of. There has to be more to life than what we see, and the only way to know that is to believe, believe and have faith that failure is forgiven and life goes on. No one is any better than anyone else, we're all lost wretched people in this world. The difference is, some of us have Jesus and his forgiving mercy, while other's do not have that hope and love in their lives.
WOW! Daniel this is very deep and very true. Christians due tend to think that we are perfect, and yes churches are safe but like one of my favorite quotes says " Sometimes it's important to scare yourself into doing things you don't think you can!". Sometime's we have to step out of our comfort zone to grow. Thanks for sharing this, I will pray for you, but I actually think you are one of the strongest christians I know.
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